Deep fried wonders

Sometimes we must abandon all logic, good sense, and just go for it. Color outside the lines. Put yourself into the maelstrom. The eye of the tiger. The teeth of a typhoon at sea. 

Sometimes we must just throw all caution to the winds and say, “This is just because I want to see if I can live through it!” 

Just such an event happened to me at the Monroe County Fair this summer.

Along with my wife, Christine, I attended this annual consortium of hair-raising thrills and spills, of wild abandon and unspeakable temptations.

 I went in ready to brave the traffic, the crowds, and the cacophony of sounds that sweep over one as if waves crashing into your life boat while lost at sea. 

Well, not really. Perhaps I am embellishing a bit. But we did go to meet up with friends from church and see the Christian music band 10th Avenue North. 

Ok, not as dramatic, but that doesn’t mean we did not experience a most unexpected turn of events.

It all began when my good friend, Pastor Josh, mentioned he was hungry.

“You know, we gotta eat some fair food,” he said.

Well, I am a veteran of over 20 years military service. Decades of eating in Marine Corps chow halls, mystery tacos from street vendors in Tijuana, and native foods in the jungles of the Pacific had all prepared me for this very minute.

 I looked my friend square in the eyes.

“Yes! Let us do that!” 

Well, I did not really say it like that, but this is my story, ok?

As if on patrol, looking for an ambush amongst the mass of tin sheds, brightly lit whirling rides, and the ear splitting sounds of rollercoaster music, we spotted our quest.  

In bold neon, beckoning us with promises of other worldly delights, we saw the sign. The words sent a chill down my spine.  

“Deep Fried Twinkies!”

Deep Fried Twinkies? Seriously, what kind of a mind would think of taking a completely unhealthy child’s treat, one reviled above all others by the First Lady of the United States, and say:

“Mrs. Obama, you know what? I am gonna up the ante. I am going to dip them in batter, drop it in boiling fat, then when it has sufficiently fried itself, I am going to top it with powdered sugar, and then I shall drizzle it with chocolate syrup.” 

What kind of mind, indeed?

On top of this culinary equivalent of the AMC Gremlin, the fabled failure of American automotive engineering of the 1970’s, the mind behind the mayhem did not stop there. There was more.  

Deep fried Oreos. Milky Way bars. Snickers….hey, I am just not myself when hungry, right? 

And the piece de resistance… Deep fried cheesecake balls. All topped with those aforementioned confections of sugar and chocolate.

The Marine in me came out. Danger beckoned, and while more sensible folks run from the sound of battle, I am trained to run toward it. 

I knew every ounce of my high-priced military training must be exercised here. No guts, no glory! Death before dishonor! 

Well, actually, honor didn’t have anything to do with it. In fact, perhaps the inverse. But it did take guts to desire to consume this fare. 

Or maybe a lack of intellect, but we will leave that topic for another day.

As there were four of us, we decided to each order a separate entrée and sample each other’s plates. I felt a bit dizzy as I watched our orders emerge from the deep fryer, glistening with oil.

“Do you want the powdered sugar and chocolate?” the lady asked me.

No time for hesitation, I thought. This situation demands instant action. I summoned up my faltering courage and said, 
“Yes, please!”

 It was done. We were now to enter the forbidden zone. 

Each of us grasped a paper plate filled with bombs of sugar and fat and headed out to find a picnic table. Perhaps we would be safer eating this sitting down. 

None of us had tried this deep-fried fad before. At least none of us had thought about deep frying a candy bar before. Chicken is one thing, but Oreos?

Well, obviously we survived. I am here to tell the story. I didn’t breathe my last near the Tilt-a-Whirl. 

And the concert was excellent. But how was the food (I will loosely call it food) you ask?

Well, it was fabulous! 

Don’t even think about the health factor if you decide to follow this path. Just eat it. 

The consensus was the deep fried cheesecake was the best. It all melts inside that corn dog crust and the taste sensation is truly one you won’t forget anytime soon. 

I’ve got to hand it to the mind of the person who thought of this. 

I wouldn’t recommend it as a daily entrée, but when you’re at the carnival, do as the carney’s do.  

Now I have read of deep fried butter at the Texas State Fair. I am tempted….