Con: to Facebook junkies

Every now and again, my mom will let me know how her old high school B.F.F is doing, or my girlfriend will update me on how BLANK broke up with BLANK and what’s her name is pregnant. More often, though, I will hear “When will you get a Facebook?”

The annoyance this question procreates is similar to an overweight Dutch woman tap dancing on my frontal lobe while wearing wooden clogs; it simply gives me a migraine.

Listen “Facebookers,” I’m sick of hearing about redundant status updates, terrible breakups that were written all over someone’s “wall” (that can be considered graffiti, right?), and joining weird groups like, “I tend to fart in public” and “Because of Edward Cullen, human boys have lost their charm.”

Now I’m not saying I think Facebook should be shut down or anything, I just think I shouldn’t be scrutinized by someone who is worried that their goats might die on Farm-town-city-ville or is excited to get home to change their status to “In a relationship.”

Truthfully, I’m sure I will eventually break down and make an account, but the hype will probably be gone by then– that’s what happened when I finally got a MySpace account (yeah, remember that?).

I am sure that half of you reading this will rush to your computer to join one of the groups I mentioned, and a quarter of you will roll your eyes then go back to plowing your digital fields.

The rest of you will wonder how I manage to stay in touch with my friends. That is all okay with me, but if I do get on Facebook, I will join a group called “Yes, I have a Facebook, so leave me the hell alone!”